Dear Twilight,
by Fanfiction Love 2006
Summary: A series of letters to Twilight from fans of Harry Potter. Feel free to review your own for input. Spin off from my "Sincerely, The Readers and Writers of Fanfiction." Rated for possible language and concepts. Let's be open minded haters, shall we?
1. Letter 1

The ongoing **Disclaimer** that I will only say once: NOT- MINE! All J.K. Rowling's (A God among her people) and Stepheny Meyer (A Loser among those same people).

Read, laugh, snort, cough, smile, do whatever. Just **review** and enjoy! And you are more then welcome to submit your own throughout the story. ^^ Thanks for the read in!

* * *

3/17/11

_Dear Twilight,_

_You suck._

_Love,_

_Harry Potter Fans_


	2. Letter 2

_3/17/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Sparkly vampires! Really? Well, _our_ vampires used to be wizards that got caught too far into the Dark Arts and now fight on the side of the Dark Lord- who by the way, has naturally occurring red eyes._

_Beat that,_

_All Harry Potter Fans_


	3. Letter 3

_3/17/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Wow. We're impressed. A pregnant muggle- mortals without magic- who gave birth to a half-vampire baby. I wish we could- oh wait, we can. Huh... Well isn't that a bummer._

_You wanna know something that even you can't do? Ever heard of Mpreg? Male pregnancies, bitches!_

_Eat your hearts out- if they were still beating that is,_

_Harry Potter Fans International_


	4. Letter 4

_3/17/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Super fast speed? Cool! Super strength? Totally awesome! Glittering vampires? Epi- wait... seriously?_

_We've got wands (Our men have two. Can you claim the same?), magic, wizards, witches, vampires, bargles (Don't ask, we don't know either. It'll be out this week in this month's issue of the Quibbler), dementors, grims, stones that keep you alive for years, flying psychopaths, pictures and tattoos that move, **and** veils that can kill you._

_You really think a bunch of vampires are going to impress us? Yawn! Besides, your vampires are like the bad kind of gay. "Vegetarians," really? **So** lame._

_Unimpressed,_

_HPFI_


	5. Letter 5

**For** each review with a "letter" of their own, I will try my best to update this story with one of my own. Feel free to comment like crazy- especially since I've had this one and several more done since before I posted the story. XD

Thank you Hannahzzz for being the first to review this story. :D Your logic is good, though slightly flawed. Harry Potter doesn't equal Twilight. HP equals millions of Twilights with the added topping of yummy fanfictiony goodness.

* * *

_3/17/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_You are here by notified. We have proof that there has been a theft. The opposing side promises an Unbreakable Vow not to press charges if it is returned immediately._

_"We demand the return of Cedric Diggory as soon as possible- with face and reputation completely untarnished from your dingy reputation if at all possible."_

_Sincerely,_

_Harry Potter's Rightful Minister of Magic,_

_Lucius Malfoy_


	6. Letter 6

_3/17/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

Our Remus can take on your Jake.

Next full Moon, be there!

Yours sincerely,

Harry Potter Fans

_-Lvmj_


	7. Letter 7

_3/17/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Please refrain from publishing books and creating movies. Even the otakus of the world are getting irritated. They refuse to pay for or even acknowledge any movie or book advertised in another language._

_If it's bad in English, we doubt it'll get any better. Stop tainting the Korean and Japanese languages!_

_Sincerely,_

_Harry Potter/Japanese/Korean Otakus_


	8. Letter 8

_3/17/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

Please let me find a way into yout heart...

Love,

A sake

_-Hannahzzz_


	9. Letter 9

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_We offer to you our sincerest apologies. We understand that Alice cut it a bit close in your last book. That would be our fault. If we didn't have so many rules regarding shipping from the magical to muggle world, she could have been there a whole lot sooner. Law is a bitch, isn't it?_

_Nahuel was under our custody before Alice came and petitioned for him, you see. At the time, he was under imprisonment for the murder of a wizard, but luckily, a person saw him for some worth. Severus Snape had been using the male for his potions ingredients for the last few years, but he willingly gave him up once asked._

_Apparently your kind of vampire venom is the weakest of your race, so he switched back to snakes. Sorry ol' chap. No bad feelings, right?_

_Notification issued by the Ministry at the request of the undersigned:_

_The Harry Potter Fans Who Wished They'd Taken Only a Little Bit Longer._


	10. Letter 10

_3/18/11_

__

Dear Twilight,

Wow. Black as a surname? How original of you! How ever did you think of that?

Wait, so he turns into a dog too? On command and not on full-moons?

The resemblence is **just** uncanny.

With no love whatsoever,

The Sirius Black Fan Club

P.S (Don't worry Sirius! We'll always love you more!)

-Lala


	11. Letter 11

_3/17/11_

__

Dear Twilight,

Gotten any better yet?

Hmm... A sexually repressed, emo, and masochistic vampire, an equally emo and suicidal teenager, and a warewolf who doesn't know when no means no.

Guess not.

Not terribly suprised,

Readers of books worth any time of day.


	12. Letter 12

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Most people think Edward is hot...but have you EVER SEEN DRACO MALFOY? We have. he's so much hotter than Edward. Draco is for those people who like the stone-white-blonde-haired emo look. Edward, on the other hand, should jump off a cliff instead of Bella. Oh, Bella Bella...when Hermione's love of her life dispappeared, she continued to travel across the globe in search of Horcruxes to save mankind. But when Bella's love of her life left her, she jumped off a cliff._

_See our point?_

_-Harry Potter Fans_

_-nightowl55_


	13. Letter 13

_You guys are killing me! XDD I'll have to create a lot more 'Letters' at this rate to keep up with you. Thanks for them! And just so you know, your review doesn't have to be a letter though I'll put some up if they are. :D Please review! I'd like the support (I'm not much of a humor genre writer. XP). _

* * *

_Dear Twilight,_

_You've got insane evil redheads, we've got sexually charged, secretly incestuous redheaded twins who's pureblood history obviously speaks for itself in the sanity department._

_You've got the Volturi guard? We've got Death Eaters who've got moving tattoos and talented sticks (Take that however you want)._

_You've got vampires? We've got soul sucking creatures who can make you relive your every horrible memory._

_You've got angsty teenagers? We've got Harry Potter._

_Everything you've got, we've had. Everything you get, we still have the best._

_Try our lions on for size._

_Secretly Magical and Not-So-Secretly Better Than you,_

_Every Twilight Hater in the World._


	14. Letter 14

I'm going to hold off on posting just a tad bit. XD So many posts is rather crazy I know, though I also know you guys enjoy them. Maybe once a day, maybe more or less. The more reviews I get, the happier I am, and the more willing I am to post- It's a lot like getting me drunk, you never know what I might do. XP

Feel free to continue adding in your own 'letters' along with comments in your reviews if you want. I'll still update _**Dear Twilight,**_ with both mine and yours.

* * *

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

If Edward really believes he doesn't have a soul, let's introduce him to a Dementor, shall we? I believe we will get interesting results.

Sincerely,

_Harry Potter Fans Across the Muggle World_

-Lvmj


	15. Letter 15

_3/17/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Want proof that your books and movies suck?_

_The movie Vampires Suck was atrocious and we still went to see it._

_Ever wonder how it reached higher rankings? There's your answer._

_Sincerely,_

_Twilight Haters_


	16. Letter 16

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_So... we're all very curious about something. Some advice from the world-famous series, if you could spare a moment?_

_There is a great idea circling about for a book series. There are the characters; James, Isabell, Jake, Ed, and Ally. They don't start off as friends, but when James and his sister Isabell go to a foreign school in France, they meet all sorts of people before finding out that they are actually royalty with untapped powers! Later they gain the ability to become creatures to communicate peace between sides. The best part is that they find power and love along the series! Isn't that cool!_

_We were hoping you could tell us if this will be a hit- why waste time writing it if it isn't, right? We got the basics of the plot and some of the names from another very popular story, but it's actually **TOTALLY** different. _

_Anyway, the reason we're asking is because we know you're the experts at using other's characters and only changing the smallest detail to get past copyrights. Any advice?_

_Sincerely,_

_The writers of "James and Isabell and Their Adventure on the Eve of Twilight"_

_It's good, right?_


	17. Letter 17

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Our Charlie works with dragons- yours is a bad parent._

Our Bella is a psychotic fighter- your Bella couldn't fight her way out of a paper bag.

Our James was a marauder- yours was some creepy guy.

Our Alice still loves her son even though she's lost her mind- yours is an overly preppy irritating child.

Our Blacks are a complicated family warring between them over the rights of good and evil- yours are two idiots who think they know everything.

That is all

Sincerely,

The people who want you to stop stealing our names

_-Watching Every Sunset_


	18. Letter 18

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_We've noticed that despite our attempts to bring those muggles into all that is good and right in the world, they continue to follow you. So, with this understanding, we've decided to do what is best for them and destroy them all._

_If anyone asks why leagues of people suddenly joined the Dark Lord and his quest for world domination and destruction, you know why._

_Sincerely,_

_Voldemort's Second Rank Circle:_

_The Twilight Destroyers_


	19. Letter 19

Seriously, what is with this error thing? Fanfiction, wth!

With Love,

The Authors who need fucking post new stories!

* * *

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_That's it! We're tired of the ongoing "Oh my God, EDWARD!" worshipers, the Jasper fanatics, and the Emmett lovers._

_You think your men our better than ours? Let's see who's the best when we match your men with our own._

_Edward v. Harry Potter_  
_Teeth, mind reading, vampire, and speed v. emerald eyes, parseltongue, wizard (who's been known to be a vampire in some cases), and the Elder Wand/Deathstick/Wand of Destiny/One of the pieces that leads one to conquer death._

_Jasper v. Mad-Eye Moody_  
_War strategies, vampire v. War Hero, Auror with the knowledge to kill vampires_

_Emmett v. Hagrid_  
_Strength, vampire v. Strength, half giant (we have a variety of creatures, ha!)_

_James v. Voldemort_  
_Cold-hearted murderer, vampire, tracking v. Psychotic murderer, immortal wizard, and flying, torturing, leader, parseltongue._

_Aro v. Dumbledore_  
_Mind-reader, sane vampiric leader with a fetish for younger girls, vampire v. Legimens user, insane leader of the Light with a fetish for younger boys, wizard and once master of the Elder Wand._

_Hmmm… we see why people pick Twilight… You need to have an underdeveloped sense of humor to get the fact that they're rip offs who weren't even made to match their counterparts in strength. What was she thinking?_

_Sincerely,_

_The readers of Harry Potter who read Twilight and laughed our asses off._


	20. Letter 20

I didn't really like my last one all that much, so here's another one. :D Mind Fuck! Whoa!

* * *

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_You can read our minds, just as we can read yours. Think about that the next time you get into our range. We just might be listening to what you're listening to in our heads, knowing you're listening and listening to know if you know we're listening._

_Yeah, take you 'superfast' brains and figure that one out._

_Sincerely,_

_The people who are listening_


	21. Letter 21

I hate flamers. :D_

* * *

_

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Go die in a ditch._

_Love,_

_Avada Kadavra_


	22. Letter 22

_3/25/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Alice can see the future! OMG, so can half of the wizarding community._

_Yeah, take that and suck it!_

_-The Seers of the Wizarding World_

_-Samantha Eleanor Lestrange_


	23. Letter 23

_3/25/11_

__

Dear Twilight,

You people seem to spend to much time in the forest. Keep roaming around, and Grawp will find you.

Sincerely,

The Releasers of Grawp

-TheRavenclawNerd


	24. Letter 24

_Btw, should I write a Twilight story to piss off my flamers? I mean, I'm tempted to make it suck, but if I make it good... hmm... Nah. Twilight sucks, why would I do that? XDDD

* * *

_

3/25/11

__

Dear Twilight,

Why are there only werewovles and vampires in your story? What happened to all the other magical creatures like unicorns and giants and three headed dogs? Call us when your grow some wands(You can take this anyway you want to).

Sincerly,

Harry Potter and magic fans

-writealot


	25. Letter 25

Nice poetic skills!

__

* * *

3/24/11

Dear Twilight

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

Your books suck!

And you know it too.

Sincerely,

Thous who have higher standards.

_-My Ashland_


	26. Letter 26

Last post of the day readers! :DDD This is actually one of my favorites.

I had written a reply to an anonymous flamer but it got deleted. XD That's alright though, because tons of posts in reply is a revenge just as sweet.

_

* * *

_

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_You know, much to our chagrin, that 'almost' invincibility you have **is**rather interesting. How can you die again? Ripping your harder than steel bodies apart and light the pieces on fire? Wow. And your speed makes catching you nearly impossible you say? That **is** interesting._

_So, for example, if I were to say, oh, I don't know, _"Petrificus Totalus!" "Diffindo!"_ and _"Incendio!"_ nothing would happen?_

_… Hello? Edward? … Where's that smell coming from?_

_Ah well. Thanks for the information! It will come in handy._

_Sincerely,_

_The Slytherin in Ravenclaw Colors_


	27. Letter 27

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Yeah, sure, you've got hot blonds, but have seen the Malfoys? Sure, Draco's got a bit of growing up to do, but at least he's been in another man's pants before._

_With Everlasting Hate,_

_Harry Potter Fans of Fanfiction_


	28. Letter 28

I picked this one because the last part had be laugh out loud. XDDDD I am totally using that name for him now! :P Thanks for the reviews guys and gals. Loving it! Keep 'em coming! XD

__________

* * *

3/27/11

__________

Dear Twilight,

Wooow. Your books are so amazing. I mean really, what's NOT to love about an overweight girl who needs a guy to complete her or having to make the AGONIZING decision about whether to choose beastiality or necrophilia?

Sincerely,

Sane pople.

P.S.- If all you Twihards (Twihards? What The **Bloody Merlin **is up with that?) HAVE to talk about Edward Cullen all the time, at least use his real name- Sparkly Cedric.

-TheMozzyOne

* * *

________

For all you Harry Potter fans out there (you know, the people who like books and not a peice of shit kidy tale with no development), there's a poll on my profile. I want to know what you all would be/pick, so please submit me a responce. :D Arigatou gozaimasu.


	29. Letter 29

_3/27/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

Your entire story is based upon a lie. Edward isn't a vampire. He spends his time running around the forest, he doesn't drink human blood, and he sparkles in the sun. He's obviously a fairy.

You all can go cry in your rooms and throw temper tantrums now.

Sincerely,

Realistic Harry Potter Fans  
-SlytherinPrincessxXx


	30. Letter 30

Did you vote on the poll yet? No? It's waiting... as is the next chapter... XDDD I'm evil. :P_

* * *

___

3/18/11

_Dear Twilight,_

_Stay the **fuck** out of our domain! Why the HELL would we want crossovers? The mere idea of associating with you gives even Voldemort nightmares._

_Fuck off,_

_Twlighaters_


	31. Letter 31

Did you vote on the poll yet? No? It's waiting... as is the next chapter... XDDD I'm evil. :P_

* * *

_

3/18/11

Dear Twilight,

Your money's nothing considered to the Black or Malfoy fortunes. Your looks would never match up to a young Tom Riddle's. Your personalities are like that of your author's; childish, dramatic, and horridly suicidal.

Why do you have girls chasing after you again?

Oh, right, because Harry Potter characters only take the best and scare off the rest. Rejection hurts and people have to run somewhere for comfort. Right Bella?

Sincerely,

The fans that **are** worth their time of day.


	32. Letter 32

Thanks Kimboolinaa for being my 100th review! Much love my readers!  
_

* * *

_

_3/29/11_

_Dear, Twilight_

_Our Charlie fought in the battle of hogwarts, your's decided to watch some basketball during the new born battle..._

_Our Harry tried to help his godfather fight off a werewolf when he saw one, your Harry had a heart attack and died..._

_Our Bella tortured innocent people until they went insane, your Bella decided to keep the torture to just her father..._

_Our Black died trying to save his godson, your Black nearly tried to off himself 'cause he couldn't get a goodluck kiss..._

_Our werewolves attempt to eat eachother, yours just chase around anything that sparkles and listen to eachothers perverted thoughts..._

_[Obviously better than you,_

_Harry Potter Fans Around the World]_

_-Sn0rkack_


	33. Letter 33

_3/29/11_

__

Dear Twilight,

I love Cho. Get that through your thick heads! This Bella chick is nothing compared to her. I would never date some clingy girl and do all this other shit it says I've done. Besides between you and me, if I couldn't have Cho I'd most happily take a Veela.

Stop trying to change my love interest,

**CEDRIC DIGGORY!** Not some cornish pixie named Edward!

_-Jessica682_


	34. Letter 34

_3/18/11_

__

Dear Twilight,

Hearing about you every ten seconds is kind of getting irritating. Not enough a muffling or a silencing charm out in public is enough to stop the madness of the muggle race. They've even got backpacks now! If I see the face of your Edward Cullen one more time, I'll kill him.

At least our star isn't an attention seeking, melodramatic immortal, with a liking for girls less than a quarter his age. Damn, even our greatest enemy isn't that bad. Can you get any more pathetic?

Please don't answer that. We really, really, don't want to find out.

Without Love,

Harry Potter Fans in the Muggle World


	35. Letter 35

____

3/18/11

_Dear Twilight,_

_"Bite me."_

_Now, normally that would be meant as an insult, but seriously, "Bite me!" That way, as 'newborns,' us fans would have the power to kill each and every worthless vampire out there **and** we'd be magical creatures and could have a legitimate reason for being in the magical world!_

_Kills two birds with one stone, wouldn't you agree? No? Fine, it'd kill two problems with one massive army of Harry Potter fans ravenous for Twilighter blood who would then join the magical world and take what was rightfully theirs- Their fandoms! Mwhahahahaha!_

_Love Never,_

_The beginning of the Harry Potter Vampire Army_


	36. Letter 36

_3/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_What's the scariest thing you can throw at us? An army of trained vampire hunters who enjoy muggle blood? Ha!_

_Have you ever read a rated M Tom/VoldemortxHarry romance fanfiction? A lot of us have. Let me tell you, there's little that scares us anymore._

_Then again, there is that **one** fanfiction between Dobby and Dumbledore that even the strongest of readers get freaked._

_Try **that** shoe on for size, blood suckers._

_You Wish You Had Our Love,_

_The writers of the best category of fanfiction out there._


	37. Letter 37

Last one guys, so enjoy and review! :D If at one point I come up with more, I'll 'uncomplete' the story and start posting more. Kay? So- ALERT ALERT ALERT!

Thanks for the love! ~*Heart*~

* * *

_3/20/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_We hate you._

_No, it's not because you have had immediate success with your books and your movies, or your 'drop dead gorgeous vampires', or your vampiric abilities._

_No, we hate you because you are nothing but a second rate copycat who tries to hide that fact. I can name three movies/books that most likely 'inspired' your entire series. Tuck Everlasting, The Carpathian Novels, and Harry Potter. Seriously? You think renaming characters and 'altering' abilities and personalities makes it impossible to track the idea backward?_

_A dream? Like we haven't heard that one before Stepheny. We have dreams all the time- mostly about using our time turners to go back and time and Avada Kadavra her ass before she got a chance to put her dreams on paper. I mean, what real author starts halfway through the first book with no idea what way the story will go, then finish it before starting from the beginning and meeting yourself in the middle?_

_You can totally tell that there was no real idea where the story was going. First it's that Bella meets Edward and spends a quarter of the book finding out he's a vampire then another quarter's about being accepted and being all happy. Then it randomly takes a turn for the worst when a random vampire who, coincidentally, loves the smell of her blood and is one fo the best trackers around hunts her down to kill her. Wow. Pathetic._

_Once again, we hate you and your second rate style and lack of unique creativity. Drop dead- and this time, stay dead._

_Sincerely,_

_Harry Potter Fans United Against Losers_

_President: EverChangingObsessions1973;_

_Vice President: Lvmj;_

_Secretary: Hannahzzz;_

_Cabinet:  
__Lala  
nightowl55  
Watching Every Sunset  
Samantha Eleanor Lestrange  
TheRavenclawNerd  
writealot  
My Ashland  
TheMozzyOne  
SlytherinPrincessxXx  
Sn0rkack  
Jessica682;_

_and Co._

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	38. The Epidemic Continues!

I can't believe I'm doing this again. XDD What I do for you guys. *rolls eyes* Here it is: **Dear Twilight Part 2**

I have a few more here and ready, but not a lot, so don't expect a really long run. Then again, I suppose you never know what's going to happen.

Keep your own letters coming, but please, _**ONLY**_ something you've created, **NOT** something you got from another site. I won't take them, no matter how funny they are.

* * *

_4-30-11_

Dear Twilight,

That's right, _we're ba~ck_. Quiver in your sparkly skin.

With everlasting hate,

Twilight Haters United


	39. Letter 39

By the way, I fixed the repetetive problem with Letter 18- if anyone noticed it was there. Apparetnly one of my old letters got copied over. If you want to see the new/old letter, click back and read.

Review! ~*Hearts*~

* * *

_4-24-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_I killed Cedric Diggory once. I don't know who screwed up their Necromantic rituals and made him a part-human, part-fairy, part-gay, part-vampire abomination, but don't think I can't do it again! It'll be my good deed for the millennium._

_With all the hate of a thousand Killing Curses and more,_

_The Immortal Dark Lord Voldemort_

_P.S. Did you honestly think changing his name to Edward would throw me off the trail? Honestly, you people have no common sense._

_-Ravenclaw Prodigy_


	40. Letter 40

_4-30-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_So, you think you're all that and a bag of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans? Well, let us tell you, you're nothing but a month old broken sugar quill._

_Pfft, if you had a wizarding card it would read:_

_Twilight_  
_2005-2008_  
_The only book/movie that destroyed the hopes of young wizards everywhere with it's false representations on vampires. Caused over 100,000 deaths by suicide._

_Stop fucking up our lives,_

_Harry Potter Lovers_


	41. Letter 41

_5-4-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_My name is Bellatrix. And no, I am not the prissy, weakly in your idiotic universe. My name is Bella Lestrange. I am a pureblood descendant of the Black line and am here to say this. _

_Think Jane's bad?_

_CRUCIO! Mahahahaha!_

_Sincerely,_

_Bella_

_-Horse Crazy Bookworm  
_


	42. Letter 42

_4-30-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_After a not so long meeting of Wizardingmot, we, the judges of the Wizarding World and all Magical creatures, decree the immediate termination of the Cullens and their werewolves for the revelation of the magical word and the false information now portrayed in homes across the muggle world._

_In effect: 1 hour after delivery._

_Have a nice evening,_

_Wizardingmot; _

_The Best Kick Ass Government Out there_


	43. Letter 43

_4-24-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_It has come to our attention that someone has led you to believe that Edward Cullen stands a chance in a fight against Harry Potter. We would ask that you take the time to read this letter, intended to disillusion you against such obvious lies._

_Edward has super-speed. Great. Harry can apparate. Edward has super-strength. Wonderful. Harry has magic shields. Edward can read minds. Harry has at least very rudimentary Occlumency that can block passive mind-reading such as his. Edward is dead. Harry is the Master of Death. Edward can jump high. Harry can fly._

_Oh, and being a trained auror, Harry has been trained to kill vampires._

_Destroying the hopes and dreams of Twilighters everywhere,_

_The "Reducto barrage then Incendio kills a vampire" club._

_-Ravenclaw Prodigy_


	44. Letter 44

_5/18/11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Your Bella can't... what was the phrase you used? "Walk a straight line without finding something to trip over," and jumped off a cliff when she lost the only person capable of dealing with her moodiness- a virginal, century old vampire who was so desperate to get away that he even planned suicide. Then, when she gets him again, she tries to hide the fact that she likes another man and tries to keep them both._

_Our main character who was abused (Ha! We have a reason for our character's moodiness and aversion/ignorance to certain things), is the strongest wizard of his age and wins the war of Good versus Evil. When his loved ones die, he takes the pain and then uses their love and their loss to keep fighting an army practically all by himself. When the war is finally won, he joins back with his other half and has kids while remaining ever faithful and becoming a loving father._

_Aside from the fact that your overall story has no plot, there is no character development, your ideas are HP ripoffs, and you can't hold a flame to our amazingness, you are pathetic and have one very fucked up main character._

_Congratulations on your accomplishments,_

_Harry Potter National_


	45. Letter 45

_5/12/11_

_Dear Twilight (hereby known also as "The-Series-That-Must-Not-Be-Named"),_

_I've heard rumors that you think your characters compare to those in Harry Potter. It's time you were disillusioned. The easiest possible example alone wins:_

_When your "heroine"'s boyfriend left her for her safety, she collapsed into a whimpering ball of pathetic childishness. When Ginny Weasley's boyfriend left her for her safety, she went back to school, helped reform the DA, attempted to steal the sword of Godric Gryffindor to aid Harry, and fought in the final battle despite being told to go home and be safe._

_Yeah. Well done, Bella._

_You wish you had our love,_

_True book lovers_

_-FlyToFreedom_


	46. Letter 46

_4-30-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_It's funny that you would say that Edward was "So amazingly awesome and hott (insert fangirl squeal here)!" Just a note, vampires are dead- no heart beat. They are actually cold._

_Aside from that, we'd very much like to clear this up. Edward is actually a pedophile who gets no action from the boys he has the hots for, ie: Mike (It's totally obvious). He got so desperate to get laid that he sunk as far as he could- Bella Swan. And you know what happened to him? He got saddled with a kid that he wanted to abort._

_Hmm... Yes, we can see how such a man would be attractive to you._

_At least **our** pedophile was at one point attractive and actually got the hot boy he was after. Thank you Harry/Voldemort fanfictions._

_Sincerely,_

_Harry Potter Fanfiction Lovers_


	47. Letter 47

_06-07-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_You call yourself a story, really? You obviously need to get a brain. Vampire's are fucking dark creatures, not some sparkly fairy and blood-sucking demon's monster-child. Were-wolves are not some half-naked guys (and girls) reading each others pervy thoughts, either. _

_Just because you steal names and such from a few amazing books(*cough* Harry Potter series *cough*) does not make you a relatively good author._

_Your story was no plot or good characters. Not even close. You have stupid vampires and shape-sifters, we have much more and all your little 'talents'! Give back Cedric, grow a wand (take that how you want to), and shove it up your sparkly, frigid asses!_

_I wouldn't give you Merlin's saggy left ball, _

_The International Twilight Haters_

_-Pandora's Lock  
_


	48. Letter 48

For use2b2t2 who was persistent enough to PM me about their letter. XD Although I find it partly endearing, I also find it slightly insulting. I read all of my readers' reviews. If they're not comments, they're letters. I'm sorry, but some make it and some don't. Please bare with me. ^^;

* * *

_03-30-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

Vampires do not play around and fuck their food.

Take the time and research the old legends and not that crap of Twilight- research Count Orlok from Nosferatu.

Seriously how can one make love to dinner?

Sincerely,

Fans who know what the hell a vampire really is

_-use2b2t2_


	49. Letter 49

_4-30-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_It ever make you curious what Edward does with his power when he's bored? Just curious._

_Peeping-TOMs Through Legilimency Anonymous_  
_PTLA_


	50. Letter 50

_4-30-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_You know, even when you're out of jokes, all a person really has to do is look at Edward and they start up anew._

_Laughing our asses off,_

_The People Who Got Yelled at for Laughing When We Saw Edward Constipated Onscreen._


	51. Letter 51

You're welcome. XD I wondered if I would get chewed out for saying half these things, but it appears a lot of people agree with me. :D

Down with Twilight!

* * *

_6-23-11_

_Dear Twighlight and twihards(seriously?)_

_1: since when did faries crossbreed with enchanted disco balls and call the result vampires?_

_2: since when was Edward hotter than draco?_

_3: since when was the world so F'ed up and crazy that twilight even got considered to get published?_

_Sincerely,_

_Eeveeflame and the twighlight haters foundation(aka the vast majority of the world's population)_  
_-Eeveeflame_


	52. Letter 52

_6-15-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_You keep saying you're better than us. Well, why not bring up all your Gryffindor spirits and meet us in the epic battle to find out? And no, unfortunately we won't just 'talk it out'._

_What are you going to do, huh? Sparkle us to death?_

_Sincerely,_

_The entire wizarding world._

_-~WobblyJelly~/Too lazy to sign in_


	53. Letter 53

Last one today folks. Sorry about not posting recently. XD Okay, I have a few letters left and I need more letters from my WONDERFUL and AWESOME and AMAZINGLY perceptive readers! :D

* * *

_6-15-11_

_Dearest Twilight,_

_Considering how you've stolen all of your ideas from us, we have a lot to say..._

_First off, you have no point in your stories.I can understand that a clumsy, stupid girl falls in love with a sparkly, vergin of a vampire/fairy/disco ball. Then, they both try for suicide and she meets a were-wolf wanna-be... I get that but my real point is why? Why would you do something so preposterous?_

_Secondly, your stories have no good characters. If Bella met Bellatrix, we ALL know who would win. I'm just waiting for Remus to meet Jacob on the full moon ;). As for James and OUR James- well considering he is the father of Harry Potter, he could DEFINATELY beat your James._

_Lastly,(truthfully I could go on for days, but let's make this short.) If Twilight were real everyone would die. From laughter._

_With many Crucio curses!_

_The People Who Can't Read Your Story Without Laughing._

_P.s. The "fight" that you guys had at the end of the books was NOT WORTH IT! All you did was talk for Merlin's sake! Read about OUR battles, they are SO much better than yours its not even funny._

_-3AllTimeLowLover3_


	54. Letter 54

_4-30-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_So, when Cedric found out he'd be playing a hundred year old virgin, what spell did you use to keep him from running far-far away?_

_Seriously, please tell me. I need to know._

_Sincerely,_

_Frustrated Lord Voldemort_


	55. Letter 55

Wow, great job on your letters! :D I loved them! A slight spin the the current form and I like your points. Keep it up!

And a huge thanks to all my readers and reviewers!

* * *

_7-1-11_

_Dear Twilight_

_My name is Harry Potter, and I'd like to have this forwarded to Cedric Diggory._

_YOU COMPLETE PONCE! How dare you pull that crap. To think that I actually grieved for you, that I purposefully screwed up a sure thing with Cho out of respect for you. Now I find out that you've gone and become some pathetic, angsty, loser who sparkles in the sun. Not cool, Cedric, not cool at all._

_Just so you know, any guilt I may have had at insisting that you take the cup with me is now gone. Further more, you're a disgrace to your house, and Susan wanted me to tell you that they'll never forgive you for embarrassing them. Malfoy's been bragging about how he was right about Hufflepuffs all along, and for the first time we can't argue back, because he's right, damn you. Oh, and even Dumbledore thnks you're gay, and he's even more bent than a Snorkack's horn._

_On a final note, I felt that I should mention that even Angel is more badass than you, and he was crippled by a soul. What's your excuse?_

_No longer caring_

_The-Boy-Who-Shagged-Cho-Since-You're-Chasing-Suicidal-Morons_

_P.s. And for the record, Jacob owns you you pansy_

_-NarutosBrat_


	56. Letter 56

_4-30-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Ew! The hottest thing you can throw out is Edward? Second-rate Sparkly Fairy Cedric? Who looks high and drunk at the same time? That's disgusting and pitiful._

_As far as vampires go, we do so~ much better. We have Lestat; a rebel vampire who can walk in the sun and not sparkle! He's hot, the vampire king, and he's one of the oldest, fastest, smartest, and strongest of his kind._

_Yeah, we said it._

_Tremble with jealousy, The Lovers of Real Vampires_


	57. Letter 57

_7-16-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_I bet the only reason Twilight was published was because the publishers wanted to see how many people would laugh at the story. Because that sure is what happened._

_No one is entertained by the fact that there are vampires (who sparkle? WTF?), or werewolves without their shirts, or stupid, depressed, having-no-life girls. We only laugh at how stupid it is._

_One more thing, stop copying! Harry Potter wanna-be...(rolls eyes)_

_Sincerely,_

_Your Ugly Disgusting Face ;)_

_P.S. Stop pissing people off._

_-SpiritedWind_


	58. Letter 58

_4-30-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_Okay, okay, you caught us! We hate you._

_Darn. We thought we were doing so good at hiding it too._

_Forlornly,_

_Twilight Haters Armed with Wands_


	59. Unexpected Letter 59

To my flamer Vik Burnum,

May you be hit on by a gay guy and find a wand shoved so far up your ass that you spit out Avada Kadavra sparks for a month. ^^

That is for calling every artist- every author who holds their work (in any form; MPreg, slash, etc) close to their heart sick people, retarded monkeys, and disgusting, and that their works are an abomination. May you burn in the hell you seem to condem them to.

On that note, have a happy day. ^^ We'll see you in Hell, you bigoted bastard.

* * *

_4-30-11_

_Dear Twilight,_

_We can sincerely say that you actually ruined a color. Now many people can actually do that- actually I think you're the first._

_Bronze. (Shivers) Ugh. I think I just threw up in my mouth._

_Sickly,_

_The Harry Potter Boys Lovers_


	60. Final Letter 60

**_Wow, can we say gone for eternity? So sorry. ^_^ But it appears I've lost all extra content for this story. :O So until further notice, this is the last chapter._**

**_Thank you all for the support and amazing comments and HP love!_******

* * *

Dear Twilight,

In case the messages we've been sending by owl have not been reaching you (as we understand that the birds find your stench repulsive), we've sent this last one my magic to appear before you.

Over all, we find you pathetic. You really cannot match up to us Harry Potter people. You're a bunch of glitter-dipped fairies who teach kids the wrong lessons in life. You're characters are second rate knock-offs of our own, and you stand for nothing.

Unlike our legacy that will last for years to come, you're existence with wither over the years as the fans begin to collect themselves over the idea of having a vampire boyfriend who is completely devoted to them and perfect-masochistic, sadistic, perverted, prudish, and self-consciousness tendencies aside of course.

Really, it would make it better for yourself to stop trying to expand you're clearly declining burst of popularity. It's only making us hate you more- and really, in an economy such as this, what story would want to be hated that much?

Honestly, you never compared to us and you never will.

With all sincerity and deep loathing that only rediculous actions can create,

Harry Potter Fans Universal.


End file.
